Feels Like Starting Over….and Other Ramblings

We’re coming up on the new school year’s IEP meeting and I couldn’t be more nervous. New school year, new *school*, new teachers (as in 4 of them!), new classmates…new new new new!

I don’t want to rush into a judgement here but, I’ve gotten little vibes here and there that tell me that *this* IEP team may not be as easy to work with as last year’s. I think that to an extent they wonder exactly why does Trace have an IEP in place. Granted, he has made some incredible strides over the summer that have helped him to be a little more open socially, but there are still other issues and LD’s to contend with. I blogged before about the equine therapy he’s doing and I believe, thru the therapy, he’s becoming more confident in himself and his skills/talents. He’s reached out to a few boys in his class that his teacher refers to as his “crew”, lol, they eat lunch together and play at recess. I’m beyond thrilled that he’s come so far since last year when he walked the playground by himself, picking up rocks or trash or whatever else he found. Yet, at the same time, put him in a social setting outside of his “norm” and all of his Aspie quirks come out to play. He’s stretched out more shirt sleeves and shirt hems than I care to count…he get’s anxious/nervous and he’ll pull his sleeves down over his hands and twist and pull, same with the shirt hems.

Don’t even get me started on his sensory integration issues. Oh my word. The boys had to get haircuts Friday evening because they were having pictures taken the next day with grandma, so off we went. Trace has always been a little skittish about haircuts but not too bad, and Landon is just fine as long as you don’t try and wash his hair. But, Friday night? Holy moly, Trace was off the charts skittish…he shied away from the clippers (the sound *and* feel of them) and when the lady tried scissor cutting, he would pull his head away every time she combed up a section to snip at. Bless her heart, she was very understanding and finished his cut and said it was no problem…sigh… Landon however, once he realized she was *not* going to wash his hair was just fine and sat perfectly still. Go figure.

Anyhow, back to what I started with on this entry. Nervous, anxious…I haz it. I’m almost treating it as if I’m starting the whole process from a blank slate. I’ve been scouring the interwebs looking for new information, finding some of the same information that I’ve already collected and reading it all again as if it were brand new to my eyes. Thankfully it’s been a reminder to me to stay on my toes with the teachers and IEP team members. I’m also learning about certain assessments and testing that I can request that have no been done but probably should be….and I’m learning how to make these requests as an advocate, not just a parent.

Which leads me to my final thought in today’s entry. Over the last few months, as I started my research anew, I decided that I want to write. Not a book, no….more like articles/papers, regarding ASD’s, Aspergers’, advocacy, experiences we’ve had….a whole variety of things. To accomplish that efficiently, we need a computer at home…specifically, I’d need to get a laptop or netbook etc. Does anyone here have a preference or referral? I need to be able to do word processing, interwebs browsing, some pictures….oh, and it needsto be cheap. Right now, we can’t justify the purchase (what with speech therapy and equine therapy etc etc)and, as much as I dislike doing so, we’re going to have to put it off until we can save for it.

So, opinions guys? Pretty please? =)

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Breakthrough (Part Deux)

Well, for whatever reason (certainly unknown to me), my original blog has disappeared…as in it’s out there to read, but I can’t update it. Grrrrr……..after trying for a week to get some help in restoring it, I’ve just decided to go ahead and create a new one – just start over from square one. Except on a different date….yeah, there is that…..ugh. Oh well…..can’t be helped I suppose.

Never a better time to start a diary or, rather, a blog, than when you have a major breakthrough in your life, yes?For the last few weeks I’ve been having some really, really bad panic attacks. Not that any panic attack would be good, but these have been exceptionally bad. This isn’t my first go-round with them either (‘nother story, ‘nother day….maybe) but this is the first time that I hadn’t a clue as to what was triggering them. So, off to the dr for meds again….Zoloft-it is my friend; Xanax -an even better friend (but don’t tell the Zoloft, ‘kay?). The attacks have ranged from “meh…..I can breathe thru this” to “ohmigodIcan’tbreatheIcan’tstopbeingsickIcan’tkeeptheXanaxdowntakemetotheER”……yeah, *that* one was fun. Not. Some of the smaller ones have happened at work, but, my boss is a saint. When the attacks first started I was upfront with her about what was going on and she’s been exceptional…..truly. Perhaps before I go any further into the breakthrough on the attacks, I should introduce myself and my family? My name is Gracie….I’m in my late 30’s, married for 12 years to a wonderful man, Randy, and we have 2 awesome boys….Bubby and Lil Man …obviously not their real names, we’re not *that* mean 😉 Bubby is our oldest, having just turned 10 (!!) . He is a “mini-me” down to his little bones…..our birthdays are only 10 days (and oh so many years!) apart and we couldn’t be more alike. Well, except he’s incredibly intelligent, loving, gentle, polite…. He loves him some Star Wars (ask him anything about it, he’ll have the answer) and he’s an awesome big brother, a book-worm and a non-stop talking, rule follower. He also has Asperger’s Syndrome. And he’s just perfect in his own quirky, loving way. AS is an Autism Spectrum Disorder…..a form of autism if you will. he is exceptionally high-functioning, if a little quirky and eccentric. This is a fairly new diagnosis for us, maybe in the last 8 months or so…… I’m sure the topic will show up alot here.Then there’s Lil Man…..he’s almost 3 yrs old (will be in March). LM is a wild, rough ‘n tumble, cars ‘n dirt lovin’ little boy. He keeps us on our toes with his inquisitive and rambunctious ways…..he’s also a “mini-me” of his daddy……oh lordy help us all LOL. He’s talking up a storm (LM, not daddy…altho, he has his days too) but if you’re lucky, you’ll understand about 50% of what he says….and only then if you’re already familiar with his vernacular. Up to the last couple of weeks I’ve even had to translate for daddy. We had a speech evaluation done but for right now, the powers that be in the evaluation world, don’t seem to be too concerned. He knows all his colors and can point them out, loves to jump and hop and play with his cars and draw on paper (and sometimes himself) with pens and crayons…..The both of them are handsome little tow-headed boys with gorgeous blue eyes and eyelashes any girl would love to have…… I, however, could be a little biased in my opinion LOL…… Also sharing our humble abode with us are 3 furbabies….2 of the canine persuasion, Rascal and Sissy, and one of the feline, that would be Marcus. Rascal is the oldest at 12 yrs, then Sissy at 8 yrs and Marcus is a little over a year old. Love them one and all, most of the time LOL. Ok….niceties out of the way….back to the attacks and the breakthrough. We went to counseling last Thursday night (normally Bubby is with us as we’re learning about his AS and things we can do to help him), just hubby and I. As soon as we walked in Dr. K says “Something has happened- What’s going on?” I started explaining about the panic attacks….he asked if I did my breathing exercises…..I told him I tried but nothing was working and that I’d gone to my primary care dr and gotten back on Zoloft and Xanax. So we started talking, mostly Dr. K was talking, trying to pinpoint what was going on. And wouldn’t you know it, we started talking about Bubby and the upcoming IEP meeting and I broke down…..totally lost it and cried for a good 15 minutes. What it boils down to is I’m afraid that I’m not adequate enough to advocate for my son…..that I will fail him if I don’t do everything absolutely perfectly right at this (our very first!!) IEP meeting, I’ve taken on the full responsibility to learn anything and everything I can about AS and ASD’s and special needs and the schools and the laws and accommodations for IEP’s and I’m afraid that I’m going to miss something critical that would be so helpful for him…and….and…and…..HELLO? Breakdown much? Yeah, totally….right into panic attacks.I really do have alot of fears about missing something…. I mean, hell, he’s 10 yrs old now, and we’re JUST finding out about having Asperger’s?? Are you kidding me?? Observant much mom and dad???? Never mind that he has ADHD as well and that disorder has masked alot of his Asperger’s. We always just thought he’s our quirky kid….our little bounce off the walls/can’t sit still go boy go! Our little “smarty” pants because he’s just that damn smart…..our shy little guy that couldn’t look you in your eyes for more than 2 seconds if his life depended on it…….our little bookworm who would rather read than do…you know, BOY things like ride bikes and play in the dirt and climb trees……. But you know what? He’s ours…..he’s perfect in our eyes and we love him dearly………

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